Two Hearts In Grief
by KassandraScarlett
Summary: Pepper makes it one month without breaking down. (Cross-posted on AO3)


Pepper managed to hold herself together for a month after the funeral.

Just one month, in which she carried out Tony's will, lashed out at the Avengers, ensuring that they would never come near her family again, consoled Morgan and Peter and Harley, activated the Clean Slate Protocol and, once again, helped finish rebuilding the world, returning to New York so she'd be better in touch with the company.

One month, during which she refused to cry, refused to let her nightmares disturb her daughter's sleep.

One month, at the end of which she found Dr Stephen Strange waiting in the living room of the penthouse, carefully watching Morgan as she watched TV.

"How did you get here?" She snapped, one hand clamping around her wristwatch, ready to activate the gauntlet at the slightest sign of necessity.

Strange raised his hands, placating. "I'm here as a guest," he mumbled. "With... With a message."

That made her do a double take. "Morgan," she said firmly. "Peter's going to be here to take you to Lily's birthday. Why don't you wait for him in the lobby?"

Morgan leapt up, brushing off imaginary dust from her dress. "Bye, momma." She tugged on her mother's hand to make her bend down and kissed her cheek, before bounding out the door with all the enthusiasm of a five year old.

Pepper turned to the wizard. She took in the haggard appearance, the sunken eyes and tired posture. He looked... He looked the way she hadn't let herself feel.

"Why?" Was all she could ask. She had meant to offer him a seat, tea or coffee, an ear to listen to anything he had to say. But her heart was suddenly hammering loudly in her chest, anger and pain rushing through her at the sight of the man. "Why him?" She wished she could hide the accusation in her tone. But that had always been Tony's talent.

Strange opened his mouth once, then closed it and swallowed. "It was the only way-"

"Don't you dare!" She screamed abruptly. "Don't you dare feed me that lie. We ran the calculations after the first Snap. One out of 14 million isn't logical."

He took a deep breath, like he was steadying himself. "There were a few timelines in which we one. But in all of them, he met a fate that made him wish he were the one dead instead."

All the air escaped her lungs in one go. "What?" She asked in a whisper.

Guilt and desperation marred his face. "He kept losing you. Or Peter. He kept blaming himself. In one timeline, you..."

"Tell me," she pleaded, when he hesitated.

"In one of them, you weren't there, when he returned to Titan. That... That broke him far more effectively than anything else."

Pepper shivered. She sank to the floor, her legs failing, and finally, finally tears began running down her cheeks.

"Why?" She wept again. "Why did it always have to be him? Why?"

Gentle arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a hesitant hug. "He came to me," Strange confessed in a soft voice, his own body trembling. "In visions. His astral form is accessible to him in death. He told me..."

She pulled away to look him in the eyes. "What?" She demanded.

He looked away, not quite meeting her gaze. "He wants you to be happy. He said he wants you to move on."

"No!" She moaned, bowing her head and squeezing her eyes shut. She could almost see him in her mind's eye, could see his infectious grin, his teasing eyes twinkling with love. "I can't. I don't want to. I want him back. Please, please." She didn't know why she was begging. "Please, bring him back. Give him back to me!"

Strange's arms stayed around her, stiff and awkward, like he was waiting to be pushed away. "I chose this timeline," he whispered. "Because I wanted him to have at least a few years of peace and bliss. A few years where he could be happy."

"Why?" She asked, voice breaking with her sobs. "Why would you look after the happiness of someone you never knew?"

Strange stayed silent. And just like that, Pepper knew.

"You loved him," she gasped.

His hold tightened. "14 million futures is a long time to know someone."

Suddenly, everything made sense to Pepper.

Strange's guilt-ridden silence at the funeral, the way he'd hovered right behind Rhodey on the battlefield as Tony breathed his last, the way he'd stood guard right next to her as she'd verbally flogged the Avengers; all of it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Her chest ached something fierce and she knew he felt the same way.

"Me too," he replied, his own voice tight with restrained tears. "Me too."


End file.
